Are You Teaching or Are You Preaching?
January 23, 2017
A lively discussion occurred at our firm this past Friday. It began as we discussed the excitement of the Atlanta Falcons playing in the NFC championship game on Sunday. We talked about many relevant issues from what ticket brokers were getting for tickets, to why a football stadium with no debt was to be torn down after the game. The most surprising and passionate discussion surrounded the controversy over the decision by a popular Atlanta sports bar to become the headquarters for Green Bay Packers fans over the weekend. The bar suffered quick and strident abuse as social media exploded about its plan. Calls were made to boycott the local establishment just because it wanted to sell beer and wings to our visitors from Wisconsin. This seemed odd to me, but what really struck home was how quickly a conversation could become a less rational airing of strong opinions.
The “cheesehead” sports bar debate illustrated how quickly we can move from exploring the merits of one side versus another, to simply trying to impose our views. How many times in our daily conversations do we start out as a teacher and wind up being a preacher? We have multiple opportunities daily to converse with family, coworkers, and friends. We often have different opinions on important matters, and we quickly stop the conversation when we begin to preach.
Many family challenges arise because of flawed communication, which sometimes has its roots in childhood relationships. I am as bad about this as anyone. How often in the course of discussions do you find yourself no longer trying to understand or explain something through a teaching moment, and find that you crossed a very fine line to preaching? It seems to me that the core of these problems is when we stop listening and start expecting agreement without objection or debate.
Within families there are often three key communication flows. These are the parent to child, the sibling to sibling, and the child to parent. It is pretty easy for an outsider to judge whether exchanges are about teaching or preaching. Too frequently conversations between siblings seem to be based on preaching. Most parents would claim they are trying to teach to their children, but most children would say what they hear sounds more like preaching.
Our relationships with our family should evolve as we age. A middle aged older brother should not communicate with his younger sister like he did when they were children. But we fall into this trap much of the time. As we deal with one another, especially those close to us, we should try to be aware of when we move from being a teacher to becoming a preacher. The results may surprise you.
Carl Gambrell
