You Did What to My Room?!
March 21, 2016
Our homes are typically one of our largest and most important assets. A home is also the investment that generates a lot of emotional attachments. I encounter two types of clients in relation to how they view their homes. There is the person that thinks of their house as an investment first and foremost. This homeowner’s career might have called for the family to relocate frequently, with each house being a somewhat temporary place to live until the next transfer. The majority of my clients, however, do not fall into that camp. Their homes are assets filled with memories and emotions. Key life events took place at home, such as the arrival from hospital with a new baby, to countless birthday parties and holiday celebrations. Our own home is the center of many “Kodak Moments”. It is the constant in our lives that we return to after a bad day at the office or school.
When your children move out of the home in which they grew up, is “their room” still their room? This question can generate a heated discussion among children and parents. One of parents’ strongest commands to their children is, “go to your room” or the ever popular “stay in your room and think about what you just did”. Unconsciously we reinforced the notion that our children had their own rooms. Kids had very little say over the rest of the house, but their room was their space. Quite likely, they spent more time in this one room than any other place in the world. It was a place to think, reflect, relax, sleep, learn, and grow. Yes, it is their room – until one day it is not.
Once a child leaves for college or a career, the parents begin to view their child’s room differently. Maybe the first step is a good cleaning, but even then it still looks like the kid’s room. Eventually enough time passes and the idea of redecorating, or even remodeling, might take hold. New paint and furniture can transform the room completely. Then the inevitable visit from the child elicits a statement along the lines of “what did you do to my room!!”. Where was their prized stuff? Was it thrown out? Have memories been wiped away? You thought it was your house (and it is), but it was their room.
I have talked to young adults that have recently lost their childhood room, and asked how they would grade their parents’ approach from A to C-. You may not care about your grade but I will guarantee you that if your child has given you a C- on this topic you will certainly hear this statement for a very long time “I still can’t believe you got rid of my _________ (fill in the blank favorite thing)”. Avoiding this is not hard: just talk to them. Make them a part of the decision. Yes, it is your house, and you do not need approval, but remember how sensitive we are to having, and losing, our own room.
Carl Gambrell
