The Seven Stages of Being a Parent

My wife and I recently became grandparents. Our grandson is now 14 months old, and our granddaughter is 3 months old. Through phone calls from our daughters and visits, I have reflected on the stages of being a parent.

Stage One – What are we doing? After watching our daughters adapt, I realized that during the first 9 months, parents have little to no idea of what they are doing. They are 100% consumed by doing one thing, keeping the child alive. This means focusing on feeding the child, changing the diapers, and getting the child to sleep. At the same time, new parents fantasize about getting some sleep.

Stage Two – How has this child gotten so mobile? In the following 12 months, the baby starts to get mobile. Crawling quickly turns into unstable walking, and then they turn into an Olympic runner. The concern is no longer about the child’s basic needs, but rather how trouble can be avoided. Stairs become monstrous hazards. The child’s curiosity creates the desire to open every drawer and cabinet, including those filled with things that could hurt them. The parents adopt some behaviors associated with prison guards as they constantly seek to monitor and control their mobile toddler inmate.

Stage Three – The fun starts! The next stage is one of the best. At this stage, the new ‘baby’ is talking and can communicate! They eat regular food, they play, and their curiosity grows ever stronger. And they absorb absolutely everything they see and hear. The first cuss word pops out around this time, typically courtesy of the mother.

Stage Four – They begin education outside the home. Parents turn over roles they were performing to other professionals, called teachers and coaches. The parent is now monitoring the progression of the child as new skills are learned. Some children excel, while others may struggle. Parents might look at each other with pride, or they wonder what they could have done better. This stage is full of parental hope and guilt.

Stage Five – Reverting to Stage One. Our child enters the teenage danger zone. They now care little about what their parents think. They have the body of an adult but the mind of a toddler. “Look at me, I can drive. I can go to parties. Alcohol, drugs, sex! This is fun!” Oh yes, in case you did not know, they think their parents are stupid. Parents now revert to Stage One when their focus was all about the safety of their child.

Stage Six- They survived, and we survived. Both children and parents survive high school and college. The children find jobs and maybe even their life partners. We finally relax – a bit.

Stage Seven- Our baby has a baby. Now, we get to watch our babies do what we did.

Whatever the stage, they will always be our children, and we will always worry about them, but what a blessed cycle.

Carl Gambrell